NASA’s head, Charles Bolden, announced Wednesday a plan to return to the moon despite severe budget cuts to his agency. “President Obama’s freeze on discretionary spending has certainly caused some consternation over here, said Bolden speaking at Goodall High School during a science award ceremony. “Right out of the gate the naysayers were opining that any chance of returning to the moon in the next 20 years has gone down in flames. Not so. Going over the books on past missions we discovered that back in 1969, the astronauts of Apollo 11 left behind a big stinky bag of human waste on the Sea of Tranquility when they blasted off. It’s kind of embarrassing, really. I mean what message are we sending? Right next to that ornate plaque saying, ‘We came in peace for all mankind’, is a bag of Neil Armstrong’s shit. What I’ve proposed is that we either send a mission to amend the plaque to read, ‘We came in peace for all mankind, watch where you step’, or we retrieve the bag of poo. It might conceivably prevent a war of the worlds; can you imagine the ramifications if some alien race were to land on the moon and step in that pile? I’m calling on Congress to do the right thing.”