737 Software Problem Destroyed!

Boeing has announced its vindication over the pesky software problem that has caused its planes to occasionally drop out of the sky.
Dennis Muilenberg, CEO of Boeing:

“We’ve updated the flight crew handbooks. White knuckled pilots can now place a call directly to our call center in Mumbai, India. We’ve been assured that wait times will not exceed five minutes, and if necessary, the pilots may ask to speak to a supervisor.”

Transcript of recent call made by a pilot of a 737 Max 8:

“This is Joe, how may I be of help to you today?”
Pilot: “The plane is out of control! It keeps dipping the nose toward the ground no matter how hard I pull back on the controls!”
Joe: “I am pleased to be helping you with your problem. I am hearing you say that you have a dripping nose?”
Pilot: “…. losing altitude …. speed increasing …..yoke is shaking …..
Joe: “Ah! I see that your airplane has the newest MCAS software. Is this what you are calling about today, sir?”
Pilot: “….. now below 5,000 feet….. controls unresponsive….”
Joe: “Have you tried rebooting the computer, sir? I will talk you through the procedure. Hello? Hello?”

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