Death need not be a somber occasion these days. Funerals don’t have to be filled with sobbing and rubbing elbows with relatives you never knew you had. With today’s microcircuits, Wi-Fi and animatronics, dead grandpa can now be as close as your big screen TV any time you want him to visit!
Welcome to the world of Hitachi’s Dead-no-More where those who have passed over can still be a part of the family. One call to DNM after “Pop-pop” has quit breathing and our trained staff responds to your home or the mortuary of your choice to put the life back where it belongs.
With DNM’s active circuitry and plasticized makeover, granddad will still enjoy eternal rest in a beautiful silk lined casket six feet under ground, but with features unlike anything seen in the past.
Imagine the magical reunion that first Thanksgiving after the passing of the old duffer, when you switch on the 50 inch flat screen and there’s grandpa’s face brought to you through state of the art two way video transfer from the interior of the coffin, right to your living room (up to 100 miles depending on terrain). What’s so magical about that, you ask? Why should a video feed of a dead man be of any interest? Because thanks to DNM’s proprietary engineering, what happens next is simply amazing. Imagine stunned grandma seeing her dead husband on the screen and clutching her chest as she gasps, “Herbert, is that you?”. And at the sound of her voice, the corpse’s eyes fly open its mouth begins twitching and a moment later grandma’s dead spouse speaks to her in his own voice!
Yes, thanks to a cleverly hidden air tank, oxygen is forced through the dead man’s own larynx and lips meaning that he speaks as convincingly as if that final jolt from the paramedics’ defibrillator had worked after all . Using the remote keypad supplied with the deluxe DNM package, gramps can be programmed to say anything you like. He can wish you a Merry Christmas, offer birthday greetings or, in auto-clock mode, even provide the time of day on demand. His sayings are limited only by your imagination.
And if you choose the optional Hallowe’en package the grandkids can watch Pop’s animatronic fingers clawing at the coffin lid as he moans, “I’m coming to get you”, just before the little ones are tucked in for the night.
For the budget minded family, DNM is proud to offer the popular “ Magic 8 Ball” combination. Although no keypad is included for individualized programming, your purchase allows any family member to ask grandpa questions which will be randomly answered with such statements as “without a doubt”, “signs point to yes” and “what are you asking me for? I’m dead”.
Keep watching this site as improvements are being made all the time. For instance, our much anticipated Christmas release in 2012 will allow gramps to play charades, floss his teeth and speak in sign language for the hearing impaired.