Fresh off her “Rewrite History Our Way” speaking tour, US Representative Michele Bachman made an unscheduled stop in Madison, Wisconsin to attend a book burning outside the state’s capitol building. Dozens of the torchers in attendance were visibly invigorated by the appearance of the vitriolic congresswoman and urged her to make a statement as they built a bonfire out of dictionaries and encyclopedias. “I don’t know what you’re doing here today, exactly, she said, but if it involves fire and books, I’m obviously for it.” Looking perpetually startled as always, the Minnesota Republican wasted little time before launching into an anti Obama diatribe.
“If you’ve followed the news as closely as I have in the last few weeks, you know that our Kenyan dictator has sent US forces to defend the lesbian rebels in in Tripoli. You’d think he’d be satisfied with invading Iraq and Afghanistan, but no…. now he sends our young men and women to fight for lesbians in Tripoli. What’s next? Africa? Maybe he thinks rebellion is a good thing, well I don’t! Where we would we be today if we had begun this great country of ours as a bunch of shabbily dressed rebels? Would we be a nation of lesbians? I think not! Those of us who read the Good Book know that not once are lesbians mentioned. Which means that they don’t exist. Which means there is no reason to drop bombs on Wal-Marts in Tripoli. I say enough already… have you seen what Gadaffi has to wear these days, now that he has to scrounge around in the thrift stores? It’s embarrassing…. I mean the man has been an ally of ours since 2006 when George W. Bush took him off the Democrat terror list. How he wound up on that list anyway just because of some plane crash in Scotland is way above my pay grade. So let’s recap: Obama is defending lesbians which don’t exist and weakening our military in the process, which is already stretched like Dolly Parton’s bra straps, so that he can call up his secret army and herd freedom loving Americans into his concentration camps which have been funded by George Soros in order to sap our precious bodily fluids. I hope I can count on your vote in 2012, in Jesus’ name I pray. Thank you and goodnight.”