Carried live on CNN last night, Representative Michele Bachman offered up a stinging rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union speech. Refusing to look into the lens of the camera (“because that’s just what ‘they’ would expect me to do”) Rep Bachman challenged historians to rethink their version of American history.
“When all four of our fathers found this great nation it was in deplorable condition. The Indians controlled everything even though there wern’t any 7-11’s or dry cleaners. They were embarrassed by the color of their skin and when white people showed up they started committing suicide by the thousands, first with smallpox and then going all ‘suicide by soldier’ where they would pull bows and arrows out of their loincloths begging to be shot. And they were. Even Sitting Bull was shot, although he was standing at the time. So our four fathers got together in Philadelphia one summer and proposed a Constitutional Amendment saying that everybody had skin and some of those skins were of different colors and they should all be treated the same and have rights. Except for black people, of course, because three fifths of them were negros, and all of them were slaves who picked cotton for some reason. There weren’t any Q-tips back then, so why did we need all that cotton anyway? That’s why we had the Civil War against the British, and as you probably noticed, you don’t see negros of any color picking cotton any more. That’s because we won. There wasn’t another British invasion until 1964 and the jury is still out on that one, except that Paul was my favorite and definitely was NOT the walrus. In any case we now face our biggest challenge: a man in the White House who has never picked cotton. Is it because they don’t grow cotton in Kenya? That’s one question you will never hear answered by the liberal media. So what has any of this to do with the Tea Party, you ask? That is my question. And that’s why I’m here tonight on television offering my vision and my leadership on the issue of who will run for president in 2012. I am a registered Republican but also the head Teabagger. I began Teabagging back in 2009 and stood shoulder to shoulder with thousands of others who put forward the most important question of the new century: will there be a Teabagger in the White House in 2012? And will her name be Lewinsky or Bachman? Only you can make that choice, so get on with it.