Speaking before a crowd whose total estimated weight ranged between 95 and 850 tons, self proclaimed master of gibberish, Glenn Beck, exhorted his followers to seize the day, take back America and get going when the going gets tough. The much awaited “I Have to Scream” speech coincidentally took place on the 47th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s famous oratory, and as luck would have it, occurred at the same spot and time. Even Mr. Beck noticed the seeming parallels to the speech delivered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial decades ago, but took pains to point out that he was standing on a different step at the memorial than that of Dr. King. “I’m also wearing a bullet proof vest, he explained, and that’s something King was too cowardly to do.”
“As I look out at this crowd that’s 99.999% white I can’t help feeling that race has something to do with my popularity, although I officially scoff at the notion. After all, I have nothing against the Mud People. They can’t help being inferior, and I can’t help reminding them of it, day after day after day. Even President Obama, a Mud Person himself, has to admit that his shortcomings are legion. If they weren’t Fox News couldn’t keep talking about them.”
“But I’m not here to divide the nation into two warring factions, rather I’m here to take advantage of the fact that it’s already been done. My father always told me, ‘blessed are the meek under the heel of the jack boot’ and in my heart I know he was right. And you know he was right. And when I say ‘my father’ you know that I’m channeling the divine spirit here, in whose name I pray. For when this great nation was forged on a crucible of righteous holy spirit, they said we are Christians who stand on this hallowed ground for the germination of all who went before and lived to tell about it. And in God’s name, who can argue with that?” Amen.