Residents in Alabaster, Virginia were out in huge numbers today protesting the opening of the first Muslim gun store, “Guns of the Prophet”, in the downtown’s business section, located directly across from the local VFW hall. Called on the carpet to explain how this could have happened, Alabaster’s City Manager said that he had been as surprised as anyone else to discover that the city’s business permits had no check off box to specify the religion of the prospective business owner. Reached at his office for comment, City Manager Burt Bloehaard said that the whole planning department had been blindsided. “Who would have expected a Moooslum to openly apply for a permit? We had everything in place to block “those people” if we caught them trying to sneak in a mosque or daycare center, but hell’s bells, this guy didn’t even have the courtesy to lie on his application.”
Aalim Mustafi, owner of Guns of the Prophet, was matter of fact about his venture. “We have learned by bitter experience that America’s First Amendmennt which guarantees freedom of religion can be modified, abridged or even ignored to suit the purposes of bigots and wing nuts. Thus, I arrived at the decision to move on to America’s Second Amendment, which even the most virulent Nazi skinheads, racist militias and Glenn Beck support. What could be more American than a gun store? Naturally, we will sell weapons to those of all faiths and bless each firearm in the name of the Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him, before it is delivered into the hands of the buyer.”
Alabaster City Attorney, Seafus Mellanworth, was at a loss as to what recourse the city had at this point. “Not only did the owner apply for and receive all the necessary permits, we can’t even nail him with a zoning violation, because the previous business in that building was a gun store as well. I understand it closed down when the owner went to prison for shooting homos.”