Speaking at its annual convention in Columbine, Colorado, Reverend Luther Beauchamp of the N-eeds R-egular A-sswhuppin’ Council scoffed at media reports that domestic violence is on the rise in America. “I’m scoffin’, he said, visibly agitated, “about them media reports. Not the fact that domestic violence is up. Course it’s up! Lookit all the uppity womens out there these days.” Pausing to stuff some more Redman tobacco in his cheek, Reverend Beauchamp continued, “Bible says woman cleaves to her husband for succor or stands behind him or some such thing like that. It sure as hell don’t say that a woman gets to say nuthin’ that might annoy her lord and master right there in his castle or mobile home, whichever the case.” At that point Mrs. Beauchamp walked out on the stage with a sack lunch that the Reverend had left on the kitchen table. Naturally, she got a first class ass whuppin’ right there in front of God and everyone.