The State of Virginia has just passed the most sweeping anti-abortion legislation in the country. Known as the Dildo Intrusion Requirement, or DIR, the new law stipulates that any pregnant woman making an inquiry about an abortion must immediately be rushed to a state run clinic, stripped, strapped down on a gurney and penetrated vaginally by an X-ray probe shaped like a penis, to see if she can be persuaded to change her mind. Termed the “transvaginal ultrasound” the procedure specifically precludes refusal by either the woman or her doctor.
The bill’s sponsor, Republican delegate Kathy Byron, pointed out that a simple discussion about abortion alternatives or even a normal ultrasound procedure was unlikely to produce the fear, pain and humiliation of the X-ray dildo, noting that the accompanying Youtube posting of the event would “most likely break the will of even the most stubborn female.” She went on to point out that despite clamoring by liberals and other communists, the dildo invasion has no historical link to religious witch hunts of the 16th century. “Back in the days of yore, women suspected of witchcraft were vaginally probed by priests and authorized inquisitors, who often neglected to wash their hands before jamming their crude implements up the cooters of heretics and and housewives. These days we know a lot more about sanitation and demon possession.” The bill passed 63-36 in the Virginia House of Delegates.