With the US economy rapidly coming to resemble that of a third world country, Republicans in the House of Representatives took a moment from their current debt ceiling diatribe to propose new legislation on illegal immigration. Tea Party activist Michele Bachmann pointed out that such legislation was necessary to protect American corporations from potentially disastrous pay hikes, as low wage workers were rapidly becoming as hard to find as Borders book stores.
“We need to immediately hire 2,500 more Border Patrol agents to keep the illegals from fleeing the country, she said. She went on to cite statistics from ICE that show an alarming trend: undocumented workers attempting to cross the border into Mexico in search of work. “Just yesterday a van was stopped as the driver attempted to cross from Arizona into Sonora, Mexico. Agents using stethoscopes on the side of the vehicle picked up the unmistakeable strains of Mexican folk songs coming from inside. Once the back doors were opened, 23 illegals tumbled out and only 6 were prevented from dashing across the border into Mexico. The rest were able to make it to sanctuary where they turned and shouted insults at the border agents on the US side, waving their picks, shovels and lawnmowers.”
Representative Bachmann called on Congress to act quickly. “If we don’t do something right away the US is going to be devastated by a shortage of busboys, landscapers, nannies and fruit pickers. No American is going to work for the slave wages our businesses pay illegals. I tried to get the high school kids living next door to mow my lawn for $10 and they laughed in my face. It was humiliating.”