With all the alarming fodder in print and on the airwaves over the years about how our Kenyan president was “coming to get our guns”, it’s refreshing to find that Obama’s nemesis, the National Rifle Association, has finally found common ground with the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
At a press conference yesterday, held in the Rose Garden of the White House, President Obama and NRA Chairman Chris Cox delivered a joint statement that America’s crazed gunmen still hold the global title of the most efficient mass murderers at elementary schools. “There was some doubt yesterday as the bodies were being counted at that school in Pakistan, said Cox, but in the end the Taliban shooters were left in the dust.”President Obama agreed, pointing out that although at 141, the death toll was higher in Pakistan than at the Sandy Hook Elementary school massacre, the seven Islamist attackers’ individual scores averaged only 20.6 kills each, while Connecticut gunman Adam Lanza, acting alone, was far ahead with a score of 26.
“Moreover, said the president, this being a constitutionally secular nation, our shooter needed no religious fervor to carry out his mission. None of the survivors reported hearing our American nutbag screaming ‘God is great’ as would be the case with wild eyed Islamist shooters.” The mood was festive in the moments following the joint statement, but then the president had to go and ruin the party atmosphere by announcing his plan to “normalize relations with Cuba” which resulted in the NRA chairman stalking away from the podium, clutching his NRA banner as he went.