2nd Amendment:
A law that grants white people the right to arm themselves in any manner they see fit in order to defend themselves from dark skinned criminals and the Federal Gummint. The liberal media downplays the 18,000 home invasion robberies prevented every day by armed citizens who manage to get a few rounds off at dark skinned thugs when not accidentally killing themselves and family members. Liberals make a big deal out of a typographical error that remains in the Amendment about “a well regulated militia being necessary…. blah, blah, blah.”
Benghazi:
A massacre of four Americans at our embassy in Libya, due to Obama’s refusal to shuffle down to the Situation Room at the White House at an inconvenient hour. There were 13 of these American embassy massacres while George W Bush was in office (60 killed) but only Benghazi counts because it’s the one that occurred on the watch of a shiftless, feckless thug.
Birth Certificate
Not required of a presidential candidate nor needed until Obama was elected. Once that occurred, Obama conspired with Hawaii to construct a time machine and plant a news article in the past about him being born there. These certificates are also becoming an important part of national and local elections, since most voters who don’t have them are registered as Democrats.
Corporation:
A giant organization granted all the rights of a person, but none of the responsibilities. Thus, a corporation can lie, cheat and steal at will and kill thousands of unsuspecting American consumers, but cannot be sent to prison. Corporations in America exist solely to create jobs and pay taxes neither of which they do very often, since their profits are derived from cutting jobs and dodging taxes. (See Chevron, Halliburton, Apple, Dick Cheney)
Dick Cheney:
The only man in American history who, given the task of selecting a vice president, examined the resumes of millions of qualified Republicans and found there was only one possible choice: Dick Cheney.
Some would have seen his profound physical limitations as a detriment, but if there’s one thing Cheney knows about it’s Dick.
He generously waived medical exams that would have kept the job from a lessor candidate. He famously pointed out that should he suffer yet another heart attack, and be left in a vegetative state while in office, he could still out think George W Bush, a bar that some claimed was set ridiculously low.
An accomplished hunter, Cheney prides himself on being able to blast dozens of caged doves without ever leaving the comfort of his air conditioned Safari SUV.
“The urge to kill living things is a genetic trait of all Cheney’s,” he once told Barbara Walters, “and is best accomplished from a position of safety while seated” This, he said, is what prevented him from serving in Vietnam.
I Support the Troops:
A bumper sticker available online in red, white and blue. Displaying it on your car means you care enough about our troops to buy a bumper sticker. And display it on your car.
George W Bush:
Noted America artist specializing in paint-by-numbers portraits of dogs, horses and fruit bowls. In 2000 Bush set aside his brushes and took up the mantle of President, vowing to drain the treasury of the huge surplus left by William Jefferson Clinton, whose liberal jism had stained the reputation of the Oval Office. Bush wisely ignored concerns of that previous administration concerning stinky terrorists lurking in Afghanistan’s caves, and instead set about restructuring the tax code to assist the job creators in their mission to become mega wealthy at the expense of everyone else. It worked.
After America was attacked by Saudi Arabian terrorists in 2001, Bush immediately put plans in motion to invade Iraq since there was nothing left to blow up in Afghanistan, where many terrorists had watched 9/11 unfold on television.
It was a stunning success and Iraq now stands as a shining example of what a make believe cowboy / artist can do with a two trillion dollar credit card if he sets his mind to it. Mission Accomplished!
Glory Hole:
A meeting place for like minded family values Christian Republicans to exchange ideas and bodily fluids. These folks are being constantly harassed by vice cops who purposely misunderstand the purpose of kneeling for hours in toilet stalls. (See Larry Craig, Wide Stance, Toe Tapping, Trouser Snake)
Jeff Gannon:
Male prostitute who was given press credentials and a front row seat in the White House Press Room during the Bush administration. He logged 155 press briefings and made 24 visits to the White House when there were no press briefings. Of those occasions there were fourteen instances when he was never logged out. Where did he sleep? Don’t ask! In defense of the Bush White House, this male hooker lied about his true identity, the size of his penis and the popularity of his pornographic gay website.
Veterans:
Young people who signed up for four or six years of travel and adventure who came back bitter and grumpy because they couldn’t remember where they left their arms and legs. After sponging off the taxpayers for years, these ingrates now expect freebies like medication and artificial limbs. Some of them actually clog the streets around VA centers to protest Gummint inaction on their demands for education and training. Are you people kidding? After the mess you made of the Middle East?