First came Social Security and we fought tooth and nail. Then came Civil Rights and we raged against that. Next came Medicare and we used every ridiculous lie we could think of to turn the public against the Democrats. And now this, the Affordable Care Act. What makes this Obama victory even more bitter for those of us who tea-bagged against it, is the fact that it was a Republican idea. Bob (Clutch-the-Pen) Dole floated this one with the help of the Heritage Foundation back when Hillary Clinton still had a uni-brow. We came up with the individual mandate too, and then our boy Mitt Romney ran with that one in Massachusetts. Result? 98% of the state population insured with 100% coverage for children. And the citizens of Massachusetts love it by a 2-1 margin. Are they crazy? It’s socialism!
So what happened? Well, obviously the moment Obama came out in favor of our wildly popular socialist program, we were obliged to jump ship and run against it. That’s what we do. We’re Republicans. Being the Party of No has worked pretty well for us up to now. But a new day has dawned when we can’t even count on our hand picked Supreme Court to do our bidding.
So what’s the solution? When we come back from our July recess we’re going to waste some more congressional time by presenting our Anti-Obama Bill, the Unaffordable Care Act! Why, you ask when there is so much more to do in taking control of womens’ bodies? Well wake up and smell the tamales and grits. Obama’s plan gives healthcare to blacks, browns, old people, students, poor people… you know…. Democrats. How are we supposed to win elections if these societal parasites are allowed to keep drawing breath? We can’t possibly purge all of them off the voter rolls (though Lord knows, we’ve certainly tried). With the Unaffordable Care Act (UCA) we’ll be able throw millions of government free loaders under the bus and leave them there.
So how does the UCA work? We will use a Republican means test to determine the viability of each tenet of the bill so that a “yes” answer would be required to each of these challenges:
- Does it make rich people richer?
- Does it make poor people poorer?
- Is Obama against it?
- Does it make Nancy Pelosi look bad?
And there you have it, the Unaffordable Care Act. Don’t worry about the cost, the benefits, the implementation, or the care it affords… all that is secondary; we’ll come up with some wave-the-flag gibberish in due course. Our main concern is that when our bill is done and stacked up next to Obama’s bill, ours will weigh less. And isn’t that what counts?