Paris Hilton: That’s Not My Cocaine

Paris Hilton being busted by the cops? Not news. Found in possession of cocaine? That’s not news either. What makes her latest go around with the law interesting is Ms Hilton’s novel defense. “That’s not my coke,” she was heard to say when she opened her purse and a bindle filled with white powder fluttered to the ground along with the contents of her purse. She had been one of several people involved what is called a roadside “clambake”. Las Vegas Police Sergeant Ned Selfs explained that a clambake is where marijuana is smoked furiously to the point where the interior of a vehicle comes to resemble a Native American sweat lodge, with each of the vehicle occupants attempting to inhale all the available smoke. It was the smoke billowing from the Cadillac Escalade parked on Las Vegas Blvd that initially drew the attention of the local police. Sergeant Selfs said that the first officer on the scene thought Cheech and Chong might be inside reenacting a role from one of their pot inspired movies. Instead what he found was a “carload of bored rich people”. Once asked to exit the vehicle, Ms Hilton had first opened her bag and extracted a battery powered fan in an apparent attempt to dispel the gathered fog of pot. “That’s not my smoke,” she told the officer, as she slid across the seat of the Cadillac, riding her skirt up to her belly button. Aware that she had exposed more of her exquisite body than a common policeman had any right to see, she next disowned her private parts. “That’s not my cooter,” she said, apparently remembering that her panties were at home in her underwear drawer. When asked to provide identification, Ms Hilton opened her purse while it was upside down and the contents dumped onto the sidewalk. “This isn’t my purse, she said, “mine opens from the top.” It was at this moment that she noticed the bindle among the fallen objects and stated that the cocaine wasn’t hers. “I borrowed this purse and I thought that bindle thingy was a stick of gum, and anyway it was probably planted there by someone who uses cocaine.” She went on to say that “everyone knows I don’t use cocaine. Just ask Lindsay Lohan when she gets out of rehab.”