Suddenly, healthcare reform has been shunted to the back of the congressional coat closet. Something bigger looms on the horizon in the form of a mushroom cloud (or lack thereof). Pundits on the Right are angrily denouncing President Obama’s outline of a new policy concerning the use of nuclear weapons by the United States, that is a stark departure from the previous president’s “ready-fire-aim” policy, put in place following the attack on America in 2001 by Saudi Arabia.
“I can’t for the life of me figure this guy out, said Glenn Beck, scribbling on his blackboard, “we bend over backwards to welcome Obama as our first darkie president and all he does is propose extinction for the country he says he loves.” Beck draws a line across the board dividing it into sectors. “Here’s where he runs up a trillion dollar deficit in 2003, going to war and cutting taxes at the same time, something never done before by any country anywhere in the history of the world. Remember how he told us the Iraq war would last at most six months? And here we are in year eight, my friends. He ignored warnings by his own state department and got us into this mess with no exit strategy. He privatized essential services and let contractors like Halliburton and Blackwater rape the taxpayers with hundreds of billions lost in fraud and waste.” Beck draws a large zero and a question mark. “Then he proposes privatizing Social Security. Can you imagine what would have happened to our senior citizens if he had succeeded and then along comes the Obama Depression of 2007?” Beck scribbles “E=MC2” next to the zero. “And then he invents TARP, which stands for ‘Trash All Republican Policies,’ and gives $700 billion to the very banks that gambled and lost on the housing markets. And now he wants to gut our nuclear weapons arsenal”. A fish is now drawn next to the zero with the question mark. “Well I have a question for our socialist, marxist, communist, facist, ultra Left, omniverous Commander-In-Chief. Do you realize, sir, that by cutting our nuke stockpiles by a third we’ll be lucky to retain enough explosive power to blow up the planet any more than 35 times? The Russians could easily turn the earth into a glowing cinder 40 or even 50 times over. Where is our credible deterrent? What are we supposed to do if Iran makes good on its threat to exterminate all life on the moon?” Beck draws a happy face and replaces the eyes with X’s. “What if the Soviet Union launches a pre-emptive strike on Kenya? I’ll bet that would get your attention Mister Change We Can Believe In.” Beck rakes his nails across the chalkboard. “That’s the sound of of patriots everywhere marching on Washington with their cold dead fingers on the triggers of their God given guns to peacefully shoot out the windows of the abortion clinic on the south lawn of the White House! You have been warned.” Beck wipes his hands on his trousers. “And now a word about buying gold…….”