“I was looking for something exotic.” So began the press conference hastily called by Republican Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, who sought to explain away his mysterious absence for the last five days. “When you’ve been married to my wife, Jenny, as long as I have there just naturally comes a time when you’re more or less destined to go out and look for some strange, y’all”. News media reports had been growing increasingly alarmist as the days without contact between South Carolina’s chief executive and his staff continued to mount. “I’m here tonight to admit that I have been unfaithful to my wife. Yes, I’ve hurt my wife, my four wonderful sons, my executive staff, the people of the great state of South Carolina and even my nut sack in the breaking of God’s law.” Recently released e-mails between the governor and a farmer in Buenos Aires appear to show Sanford’s increasing fascination with Argentinian melons, rumored to be the most romantic in the world. One of the e-mails obtained by State Press.Org seems to have been written by the smitten state official to a particular melon named “Eva”. In part it reads,”I think about your lucious curves, your firm moist center and yes, even the knobby stem that I caress during the physical act of love. Try as I might, while mounted on my pasty big ass southern wife, the image of your dark skin and the thought of your sweet juices intrudes and I am left holding the bag, so to speak.” Following the news conference a number of Republicans issued statements strongly condemning the torid affair between Governor Sanford and his fruit. “I just think it’s disgusting,” said Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. “You go poking your business end into foreign melons you can’t claim no ‘wide stance’ defense, no way, no how. And you risk contamination by pesticides. Best to stick to glory holes in mens’ rooms”. Nevada Senator John Ensign was more circumspect. “I thank Gawd-almighty for revealing in Jesus’ name his righteousness in outing this moral degenerate. After all it takes most of the heat off of me for my own recent indiscretions, which I’m proud to say were limited to females of the opposite gender and American citizens to boot.” Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee declined to make a formal statement but did say in a Twitter to his aides, “White peeps are some weird muthas”.
Governor Sanford Caught with Argentine Honey Dew
