In the wake of claims from North Korea that its latest missile test would see a long range Taepodong weapon launched toward Hawaii, Defense Secretary Robert Gates assured nervous lawmakers in Congress that America is ready to meet any potential threat from Kim Jung Il’s regime. “Any missile targeting Hawaii or for that matter, the west coast of the United States will be met by our proven ground launched interceptors, said Gates speaking before the Armed Services Committee yesterday. “As long as the weather is clear Americans have nothing to worry about.” This caveat prompted Senator Jim Webb (D-Va) to ask for an explanation. “Well, said Gates, just as with our many interceptor test firings, we naturally insist that the weather be condusive to a successful impact. If there are clouds, wind, rain or heaven forbid, a typhoon, we probably wouldn’t even bother undertaking a launch. “Other than that, though, asked Webb, there is nothing to worry about?” Gates shuffled some papers in front of him. “Well, that and the speed of the enemy projectile. Our interceptors are unable to track anything above or below a particular speed. But speed and weather aside we can hit anything launched against us. As long as the North Koreans give us advance notice of the exact trajectory of their missile.” Webb looked perplexed. “Why on earth would the North Koreans give us that information, Secretary Gates?” The Secretary looked annoyed. “Senator, haven’t you followed the progress of our interceptor test program? Every time we’ve conducted one of these tests we’ve always known exactly where to look for the target. How are we supposed to hit it if we don’t even know which part of the sky to watch? We’re not wizards you know, this isn’t some Hollywood movie we’re talking about here.” Senator Sessions (R-AL) spoke up. “Just so we all know what the limitations of our defense system are, let me summarize and y’all can fill in any blanks. America is completely impervious to a missile strike from North Korea as long as the weather is clear, and we know the speed and trajectory of the missile, correct”? Relieved to find a friendly face among the Committee members, Gate regained some of his enthusiasm. “That’s correct, Senator Sessions. Except, of course, for the decoy issue. As you know in our testing program, we never successfully targeted a missile that deployed decoy warheads, but we’ve got our fingers crossed that the North Koreans don’t know that. How could they? They’d have to have been watching U.S. news programs in order to pick up on that information. So as long as they leave out the decoys and …. let me stress the importance here…as long as their missile has a targeting sensor on board for our interceptors to home in on, it’s a slam dunk.” Sessions expressed confusion. “Targeting sensor?” Gates slammed his fist on the table startling the Committee members. “My god, sir, do none of you keep track of our anti-missile tests? In order for our interceptors to hit the target missile it is absoutely essential that it be equipped with a long range homing device that our radar can lock onto, otherwise we may as well save the cost of the launch and just throw rocks at it!”
U.S. Missile Defense Ready? Not So Much.
