“I’m putting all my eggs on the table in one basket,” said Governor Arnold Swartzeneggar at yesterday’s press briefing. “Yah, and all deeze eggs vill be smashed with my fist and turned into hamburger and deeze kinds of things.” Swartzeneggar hinted that Kali-FORN-ia’s financial problems are far worse than most voters realize. “Dis is not da movies where da Terminator is a muscle bound freak with a concrete block for a brain. No, this is da real world weyer da governor is a muscle bound freak with a concrete block for a brain!” The reporters in the room glanced around nervously, noting the location of the exits as Swartzeneggar continued his steroid fueled rant. “The voters put me in office not because of my MBA but because I come from da future and I can bench press 800 pounds and dese kinds of things.” Shaking off her timidity, a journalist from the L.A. Times spoke up. “Governor, if the propositions go down to defeat what is your back up plan?” Fixing her with his trademark Terminator glare, Swartzengeggar answered, “If all the propositions fail it will be the fault of the girly-man voters who voted to fail them and da world of Kali-FORN-ia will fail. Yah, it vill be a train wreck far verse than quitting steroids cold turkey. Da machines will rise and the cities vill be crushed and all the gyms will close……” A hand went up in the back of the room. “And what if the propositions pass, Governor, what then?” Swartzeneggar bent at the waist and pulled the bolted lecturn from the floor with a screech of tortured metal, hurtling the mass of wood and chrome at the offending journalist. “Who cares, thundered the Guvinator, yanking the curtains down from the stage, da voters are all pencil neck geeks and are eating too much of carbohydrates and tings of dis nature! Call in da chopper! Code red! Hasta la vista baybee!”
Pass My Propositions or Die: Swartzeneggar
