Mormon Calendar Delights and Offends

Where’s the beef? Well, these days it’s apt to be in the Mormon Church where an upstart  member named Chad Hardy is on the minds of the LDS leadership. Seems 22 year old Chad  had the audacity to publish and sell a calendar featuring photos of young, virile Mormon boy-men in the altogether. Well…. without their shirts, which among Mormons is pretty much the same thing. Thomas Monson, current leader of the faith following the recent death of Gordon B. Hinckley, had plenty to say about the calendar which he is calling sinful, disgusting, eye catching and exciting. “I have two minds about this folly”, said Monson, speaking in a phone interview on Monday. “On the one hand it is obviously a grievous sin to acknowledge that our LDS boy-men possess naked bodies but on the other hand I have to admit that the pictures are enticing. I can see how a young man or even an older one  ….. a much older one …. might become aroused as his eyes caress the smooth oiled skin and chisled abs of these young untouched lads, the hard muscles, the blatant come hither gaze…….” The phone suddenly disconnected at this point and the interview resumed several minutes later after contact was reestablished with the LDS leader, who now spoke in a more measured tone. “I understand that this Hardy person is planning a calendar featuring photos of nubile young Mormon women next. This clearly cannot be tolerated even if, as he claims, the women are all fully clothed. What if an LDS boy-man were to view such filth? His eyes drawn to the indistinct mounds and bulges lurking beneath the shapeless dresses of these temptresses? What if he were not wearing his shirt, his oiled skin glistening in the flourescent lighting of a public washroom, his powerful hands lurking near the forbidden zone of his turgid manhood……” Once again the call was interrupted, this time by an LDS spokesman who said that Monson would have to continue the interview at a more appropriate time.