Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense under George W. Bush and now President Barack Obama, today announced the most sweeping changes to U.S. military priorities in 50 years. Citing the Pentagon’s dogged pursuit of adverseries who no longer exist, Gates called on “the old guard” in America’s military to adjust to the country’s defense needs in a new world of warfare. “I am eliminating a number of projects that are of no use to us,” said Gates, and then cited one program in particular. Noting that the Visigoths had pretty much disappeared 800 years ago, Gates immediately terminated “Thor’s Hammer”, a defense initiative that had been accelerated under the Bush administration at a cost of $17 billion and involved the design and forging of bronze hammers and battle axes. The cancellation brought sharp criticism on the floor of the Senate by Lindsey Graham, whose home state of South Carolina is heavily involved in the program. “The Secretary has obviously lost his mind,” said the senator, “intelligence sources that kept us up to date on Sadaam Hussein’s WMD’s now report that the Visigoths have linked up with several tribes of Vikings, and are even now plotting an attack against the east coast of our country, and Mr. Gates is stripping our military of the weapons needed for a viable defense. What will he do next, close down our crossbow factories?”
Defense Secretary Announces Weapons Cuts
