Teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, and given a 60 day reprieve by President Obama, General Motors today launched the most aggressive sales program in its history. Dubbed the “Totally Misplaced Confidence Extravaganza” GM dealers will be offering their Detroit sleds for next to nothing. Fritz Henderson, the new helmsman for the ailing auto giant, announced that under the new plan, buyers need not have credit to take a GM product home. “In fact, they don’t need cash either. Or a job. Or a prospect for a job. We’re selling to the chronically unemployed, the never employed and the recently deceased”. he said. Desperate to move thousands of unsold SUV’s and trucks off weed choked lots, dealers across the nation have begun offering fantasy getaway packages to Nevada brothels and bags of Detroit’s top quality methamphetamine to anyone who will sign a sales contract. “After years of suffering shoddy workmanship and lackluster warranties from General Motors, this is the consumer’s chance to bend us over and pound it home.” said Henderson, mopping his sweaty brow, “we’ll even provide the lubricant and a free video of the event.”
GM: Take Our Wheels. Please. Ba dump bump
