The world has become a smaller place this week for several figures in the former Bush administration implicated in inventing legal justification for torture of detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and Abu Gahrib Prison in Iraq . Of the 184 countries who signed the treaty against torture, six of Bush’s closest advisors can now travel safely in only one, the United States, which lacks the testosterone to abide by the treaty and start prosecutions of its own. The rest of the nations are obligated to place the suspects under arrest on sight, which puts a crimp in plans for book tours and paid speech junkets of the half dozen miscreants, including Alberto Gonzales, Douglas Feith, John Yoo, David Addington, Jay S. Bybee and William Haynes. They have reportedly all been taken to an undisclosed location to learn escape and evasion tactics as well as a smattering of Spanish. Leon Panetta, head of the Central Intelligence Agency, reported that all the men are in poor physical condition from years of avoiding responsibility and are lacking in even the most basic human emotions. “I feel certain we can whip them into shape if they just quit trying to find excuses not to participate,” said Panetta. He pointed out that all of the six are lawyers and by their very nature can’t help submitting briefs, appeals and legal opinions whenever called upon to do anything strenuous. Asked whether former President Bush or Dick Cheney were concerned that they might be targeted next, Panetta said, “Mr. Bush was contacted but insists that torture is something involving frogs and firecrackers”. Dick Cheney, he said, was having the oil changed in his mechanical heart and was unavailable for comment.
America’s War Criminals on the Lam
