The murder trial of music titan Phil Spector ended today in a unanimous guilty verdict in Los Angeles Superior Court. The unidentified jury forewoman stood before a hushed courtrom to read the result of the panel’s 18 minutes of deliberation. “We the jury in the aforementioned proceedings find defendant Phillip Hairbag Spector guilty of murder”. She went on to say, “we have to admit we’re puzzled as to why the first jury was so dense. Were they the same ones who acquitted O.J. Simpson?” The prosecution had spent the previous nine days explaining how Spector had taken a .38 caliber revolver from his pocket and after inserting it into the mouth of actress Lana Clarkson had pulled the trigger, an act that Superior Court Judge Ernest Splivey said, “could have been covered in about 60 seconds”. He went on to order that the stunned, pajama clad Spector be immediately taken into custody, his bail revoked. “Any one who looks this weird is obviously a flight risk”, he said, “I mean seriously, he just might sprout wings and fly away”. Spector’s attorney, Bruce Cutler, said that he was surprised the jury took so long in its deliberations. “Our argument throughout the trial was that Ms Clarkson had asked my client to take her temperature with a loaded pistol. Is that ridiculous or what? We figure the jury dragged things out hoping for one more free lunch”.
Surprise: Phil Spector Guilty
So Uncle Phil went from the “wall of sound” to a sound wall. His attorney will be appeaking, of course, trying to help shrink Phil’s reamining net worth, so that there won’t be much left to fight about if Phil ever gets out.