Answering a reporter’s question yesterday, President Trump’s new security adviser John Bolton acknowledged that his mustache is, in fact, bleached from repeated contact with human semen.
The reporter’s question, for the record, had been about how Bolton’s nickname, “Volatile John” had been earned.
“ Everyone knows I’m an asshole. I’ve always been an asshole and anyone who denies that is looking for a fit of childish rage from me. I’m always happy to oblige. I learned from early childhood that to get what I wanted, all I had to do was throw a tantrum. It worked when I was two and it still works. Obviously.”
“Now, as to the question you didn’t ask …. yes …. my mustache is bleached with my own semen.”