New York, September 2019
It’s official: under pressure from the US president, the name of our home planet has been changed from “Earth” to “Trump”. In a ribbon cutting ceremony in the Pacific Ocean, 1,000 miles off the coast of South America, President Donald Trump unveiled the 50 square mile floating marquee, consisting of the gold plated letters T-R-U-M-P.
“These letters, visible from as far away as the moon, is what I’m told, clearly establish a name for our planet that we can all agree on”, said President Trump, speaking from the bridge of the US aircraft carrier USS Gerald R Ford. “It’s pretty terrific that I’ve brought the whole planet together like this. Do you know how much gold went into forming those 50 mile tall letters? A lot, let me tell you. A whole lot. And the Chinese are going to pay for it. That’s guaranteed one hundred percent. They don’t know it yet …. well …. they do now. I just got off the phone with their leader, Ching Pow or Zee Ping or whatever the hell his name is. They’re going to pay for it, folks.”
China’s President Xi, contacted after the ceremony was circumspect about the one trillion dollar demand for payment. “We expect to be paid at least that much by the US for all the flashing lights President Trump has ordered for his floating monstrosity. I believe that’s what real estate developers call ‘a wash’. “