There has been much consternation among historians over a recently released text, The Alamo Revisited. In a detailed description of the battle waged by the Alamo defenders against Santa Ana’s army, author Sedgwick Hardaway places the blame for the Texans’ loss squarely on the shoulders of England’s most famous son, John Merrick, also known as the Elephant Man.
According to Professor Hardaway, the harried defenders manning the forward facing wall of the Alamo, had given the deformed Merrick the responsibility of reloading their single shot muskets, believing his bluster that he was up to the task of handling the manipulation of ramrod, ball and powder charge for each weapon in a timely manner. In fact, with only one serviceable hand and a lumpy, oversized noggin, the fellow was utterly off balance and completely out of his depth.
“The desperate defenders, reaching for freshly charged muskets, were given broom handles and fireplace pokers by the nonplussed Englishman, who apologized profusely from amid a scattered pile of discharged weapons, hoping aloud that the men were not ‘sorely inconvenienced’ by his inept fumbling.”
Some critics have noted that John Merrick wasn’t even born when the Alamo battle unfolded in 1862. Hardaway’s contention that the Elephant Man had used the time machine he invented in 1882 to arrive in Texas in time to fight with Davy Crockett has been met with raised eyebrows.
Undaunted, the professor pointed out that since H.G. Wells wrote his novel “The Time Machine” in 1898, it was John Merrick’s earlier Texas adventure that must have inspired him.
“After all, said Hardaway, no matter how diligently you search you will find no account of the Elephant Man being bayoneted by Santa Ana’s troops alongside Jim Bowie once they swarmed over the wall. And that’s because he used his time machine to escape in the final moments. There simply is no other explanation.”
(See “Misshapen Mysteries” in which Hardaway challenges NASA scientists to explain why the Face on Mars looks just like the Elephant Man.)