Speaker of the House John Boehner has announced that he will step down from his position at the end of October, and resign from the House of Representatives as well. “I’m not as red as my colleagues, nor as blue as the Democrats ; in fact my orange skin has always set me apart in Washington. And I cry a lot about that.”
He added “we all know that in the last 7 years Congress has done less work than a five dollar whore tied with bungee cords to a chair in a dark basement of a nearby townhouse.” He refused to elaborate, but noted that even the several minutes he devotes to government each day have been distracting him from his side business of managing a string of tanning salons in Virginia, New York and New Jersey.
He emphatically denied that the looming government shut down had anything to do with his decision. “Who cares about a government shut down? We in Congress get paid the same whether we show up or stay home, and as long as we make the laws that’s not likely to change any time soon.”