When passengers aboard Virgin America Flight 415 began complaining about the noxious body odor of a sleeping passenger, flight attendants took a break from counting food/pillow/drink profits made on the flight thus far and went to investigate. Upon waking passenger Olajide Oluwaseun Noibi in seat 3E they determined that not only did he indeed smell like maiden Aunt Tilley’s left armpit, but that he had also not made a single purchase while aboard the plane. Several flight attendants were in the midst of making sales pitches to the man for deodorant, magazine subscriptions and Dogs Playing Poker paintings when it was accidentally discovered that he had used an expired Disneyland All Day Pass to board the aircraft rather than purchasing a ticket. The crew were stunned, having never encountered a passenger this miserly before. An impromptu investigation among the flight attendants determined that one of the cabin stewards had failed to properly scrutinize Noibi’s boarding pass because he was busy making out a deposit slip for the previous flight’s profits, a task ordinarily delegated to the flight cashier, who in this instance had been clearing a jam in the plane’s automatic dollar bill counter.
The Virgin America aircraft was immediately diverted to Dulles Airport where Noibi was hustled off the plane by security personnel and searched for cash and credit cards. TSA officials said that Noibi was not arrested and that he had agreed to confine his travels to Greyhound in the future. An hour later Noibi turned up again, this time on a Delta Airlines flight bound for Atlanta, where his signature body fragrance alerted a completely different crew to his presence. This time it was learned that Noibi had boarded the flight using a ten day old receipt from Carl’s Jr. Embarrassed TSA officials insisted that although Noibi had slipped through their airtight security “like shit through a goose”, the fast food receipt had indeed been genuine. “It could have fooled anyone, said TSA chief John Pistole, who insisted that if Noibi had attempted to conceal a bananna in his rectum to avoid buying one aboard the plane, “we would have picked him up on the scanners in an instant.”