Delaware Senate Candidate Christine O’Donnell raised the stakes yesterday at a debate with her Democratic opponent, Chris Coons, when she put forward the idea that religion should be taught in public school. “How can we show Muslims that Muslim-ism is wrong headed if we don’t demonstrate the superiority of Christianity in our schools?” Told by her opponent that religion can’t be taught in public schools because of the separation of church and state she became visibly agitated. “Where on earth do you get your information, Chris, from the Kornan…. that Muslimistic book that doesn’t even have pictures of their McProphet?” Laughter from the audience at the Tea Partier’s astonishing ignorance was met by an uncomprehending O’Donnel who jerked her thumb at her opponent. “I know, right? What a moron!”
When the Democratic candidate sought to enlighten Ms O’Donnell regarding the Establishment Clause enshrined in the First Amendment, she stopped him in mid sentence. “Whoa, are you trying to tell me that the separation of church and state is like in the Constitution, Chris, is that what you’re saying?” O’Donnell then launched into a diatribe about American history that stunned the audience into silence.
“You can’t go making stuff up that isn’t there, she said, ya gotta go with the words on the page. Like for instance in the Exclamation of Independence….. it says right there that ‘men are endowed by their Creator’. Now we all know that some men are more endowed than others, right girls? (winking at the audience) But the point is that the Flounders and the other guys in America who wore wigs in the 1700’s all believed in the baby Jesus. That’s why they came to this great land in 1776 from England which is an island off the coast of Britain. King George told the Flounders to go worship among the Indians and to take the Bible with them because the Church of England had no use for it. So George Washington sailed across the Delaware to America, and stood in the front of the boat for the whole trip, (I’ve seen the pictures), and they landed between a Rock and a Hard Place. The Rock was called Plymouth and I forget what the Hard Place was….. maybe Ford or Lincoln. Anyway, they dressed up as Pilgrims and had the first Thanksgiving with the Indians who, to this day, still celebrate the holiday because it marks the first time white people ever paid any attention to them. The Flounders gave the Indians smallpox and the Indians gave the Flounders syphillis. Since then, as you know, we’ve exterminated smallpox, but we’re still stuck with the Indians who, through outsourcing, keep taking American jobs. Syphillis is still around as well, thanks to Obamacare, which is why I have campaigned so hard to eradicate masturbation and witchcraft. You all know I’m not a witch. I’ve said so in ads on television and on Fox News, so there’s the proof that it’s true. Anyway, my point is that if the notion of church and state separation is in the Constitution, then how come Sean Hannity doesn’t know about it. Or Glenn Beck. So in closing, let’s just remember that God created the dinosaurs and as far as anyone knows, none of them ever masturbated. And that’s good enough for me. So vote for me and stop spreading syphillis through masturbation.
I won’t be taking any questions from you Lamestream Media reporters here tonight, cause you’ll just try to trip me up asking me stuff about my politics, and as Mama Grizzly says, ‘you can put lipstick on a pig but it still won’t be a pitbull’ “.