Having thrown in the towel when it comes to actually living according to the teachings of the Bible, the Right Wing and Values Voters noise machines have come up with an entirely new edition that departs from the early Judeo-Christian tome. This one is called the Holy Bile and cites chapter and verse the blatherings of the new leaders of the conservative movement in America. Some selections:
Beck 33:64
Suffer not the clucking on the Left when citing scripture of The Ronald, for He was there in the Beginning and set down the rules for the Right and dozed endlessly with righteous dementia. And thus emerged Nancy of Ronald with astrology to guide the ship of state during Iran-gate following the October Surprise and subjugation of the southern peanut farmer.
Clusterfox 11:11
Oh fear ye not the bloated white whale of the airwaves for it is Limbaugh whose gross, distended belly doth reflect the rage of the Right; he of the rambling diatribe, he of the double tongue and of the double chins who doth speak the truths though they be of his own creation, and even while possessed by the demon Hillbilly Heroin he doth chide and scold and rankle the purveyors of fact.
Olbermanium 22:12
And lo, the missiles of Stinger were handed down to Bin Laden by The Ronald through clandestine machinations of Oliver cum North, and thus did they arm Mujahadeen in the before times intending the defeat of the Bear within the Graveyard of Empires. And thus was there gnashing of teeth in decades unforeseen when Mujahadeen did take up the mantle of Al Qeda, and bin Laden did vent his rage, felling two towers in the land of the infidels at the opening of the New Century during the revelations of My Pet Goat.
Hannity 23:12
If thy neighbor’s tongue doth annoy with truth, then louder thou shalt speak, for to bloviate intemperately and at volume without pause is the way of the Right, so sayeth Hannity.