Crazy for Christ

Bankrolled by Operation Rescue and T.B.E. (Tea Bagging Enterprises) this documentary follows two religious lunatics as they roam the country visiting abortion clinics, movie theaters showing R rated movies and public schools among other places,  in their quest to “shovel the steaming word of God into the mouths of unbelievers”. Begun as a screed against abortion, the producers of the movie enlisted the aid of well known anti-abortion activist Randall Terry who volunteered to write the unscripted project. Terry, who is himself the product of a botched abortion, is fond of  saying that “belief in Jesus is like a wad of chewing gum stuck to your shoe: it’s with you everywhere you go and tends to screw up other peoples’ carpets”. Only a few weeks into the making of the film, Terry decided to enlist the aid of Gregg Cunningham, a follower of Christ well known for pushing the envelope when it comes to in-your-face confrontations with ordinary people. “Folks don’t have to like me, says Cunningham, who home schools his twelve children, “but they do have to stand still while I smear nuggets of the Lord’s blessings all over their faces.” The just completed documentary was screened for critics on Saturday at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, where curious onlookers watched gibberish spouting “truth talkers” flopping around on the ground frothing at the mouth and speaking in tongues before the showing. Neil Ferguson, a reviewer for the Lamb of Light, a Christian periodical was enthusiastic about the 90 minute film. “Terry and Cunningham were definitely guided by the Lord in their decision to follow Minnie and Gabriel Crockett around this great nation, said Ferguson, “both of them had just recently been released from federal custody for mooning the White House and were anxious to get back to doing God’s business.” He went on to describe a scene from the movie where Gabriel Crockett had burst into the lobby of a theater in Hollywood and had dropped a load of God’s business in front of a Coming Soon display of the new Sam Rami horror film, “Drag Me to Hell”. Ferguson chuckled as he added, “that Gabriel is a caution. He wears these drawstring pajama pants like they issue in mental hospitals, so he’s always ready to squirt the Word whenever the spirit moves him. And that Minnie! She’s a holy roller on wheels… literally… she wears these roller skates 24/7 and goes rocketing past womens’ health centers screaming Bible passages and giving toots off the airhorn strapped to her back. It’s refreshing to see such dedication in a young couple these days”. Reached by phone on the set of a new documentary, Randall Terry expressed regret over the recent murder of Dr. George Tiller, dubbed “Tiller the Killer’ by the religious right. “I wish I would have known what the shooter had in mind, said the anti-abortionist, “I would have jumped at the chance to bless his bullets. What a miracle worker; I wish we had ten thousand more just like him.”