A symposium of experts from numerous diverse fields ended its 12 day conference in Milan, Italy on Sunday following a meeting with press reprsentatives from all over the world. Intense media interest had been generated when the conference was announced because included in the forum were scientists and experts in the fields of medicine, nutrition, physics, geology, sports rehabilitation, and religion to name just a few. Harvard University’s Karl Lundenkantz stepped up to the microphone and called the media session to order. “There has been speculation and wild theorizing about just what we eggheads have been doing here in Milan for the last two weeks, said Lundenkantz, holding up a large blue binder. Some had thought we were discussing climate change or some wonderous new energy source, or perhaps preparing to announce a cure for cancer.” A hush fell over the crowded auditorium as reporters from the world’s press corps angled their audio and video devices toward the podium. “We scientists and lay experts have come together to blend all of our decades of very expensive research into one all encompassing theory that challenges the conventional wisdom of today. As of this hour and this minute, here on this stage, before all the world we hereby announce our conclusion.” While waitng for the uproar to subside Lundenkantz turned to a chalkboard and scribbled a formula. “Here you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the result of 22 years of intense research costing $7.2 billion dollars.” Cameras flashed as he stepped aside to reveal the scrawl he had written: 10/5= F(ty). “But what does it mean?” shouted a reporter from Reuters. Smiling benignly the professor said, “in layman’s terms it means ’10 pounds of crap stuffed into a 5 pound container equals a Fatty’, in other words, obesity is caused by eating too much.” The professor then ducked as a journalist from Pakistan took off his shoe and hurled it at the podium. Hustled off the stage by a security team, Lundenkantz shouted over his shoulder, “next year’s very expensive symposium concerns the debate over whether or not bears do indeed defecate in wooded areas.”
Global Symposium Announces Findings
