Utah governor, John M. Huntsman, announced today that a deal had been reached in which his state will become the first American dumping ground for the world’s nuclear waste. Touting the arrangement as “mutally beneficial”, the governor cited falling state revenues as the prime consideration for turning the pristine wonderland into a radioactive slag heap. “Most people think of Utah as a place to hunt, fish and ski, said Governor Huntsman, and we’re going to capitalize on that. What hunter could resist bagging a deer with two heads? I mean, hey… you got twice the antlers okay?” Reached for comment in Salt Lake City, Councilman Art Stasil said, “it’s really a win-win proposition. By accepting poisonous waste from places like India and North Korea we’re doing the world a favor and at the same time making some quick cash with no thought to future generations, and isn’t that what America is all about?” Considering the religious conservatism of Utah, Stasil was asked what he thought Jesus might say about the waste-for-cash program. The councilman paused thoughtfully and then responded, “I’m not sure what Jesus would say exactly, but if he wants to visit here on Judgement Day, I’d recommend he exchange those sandals for some rubber hip boots.”
Utah to be World’s Waste Dump
