Roger Ailes, president of the Fox News Channel announced Sunday that a new program will be inserted into the Fox entertainment lineup beginning early next month.”With at least one good shoot-em-up massacre taking place each week across the country, and the public bored to tears with Octomom it was a no brainer,” he said. Known as a savvy executive who delights at hitting below the belt (and thereby targeting America’s I.Q.) Ailes described a weekly program that will focus on disaffected lone gunmen with grudges against society. “The Second Amendment makes it all possible”, Ailes noted, speaking at an N.R.A. convention in Sioux City, Iowa. “We’ll definitely have a leg up over other countries where gun ownership is hampered by laws and regulations, so I don’t expect to see any competition from Japan or China any time soon.” A spokesman for the The Fox network said that there will be camera crews standing by, ready to respond at the first hint of bloodshed anywhere in the continental U.S. “We’ve pretty much written off Alaska and Hawaii, he said, nothing much happens in those states and seriously, most Americans couldn’t find ’em on a map anyway.” For its part, Fox News will have a toll free phone number and website address constantly scrolling on the bottom of the screen during their nightly screed, urging anyone about to go over the cliff to call in first in order to assure adequate coverage. “We’re mainly looking for distraught fathers, husbands and boyfriends, said Fox spokesperson Wendy Allimer, because they seem to be the common denominator here: job loss, cheating wife, or just ordinary paranoia. One minute they seem normal and the next, ka-blooey, you have a family of seven or eight gutted like a ten point buck in deer season. People love this stuff” She hastened to add that crazed loners would not be discriminated against. “I’m speaking now to the nondescript single guy next door…. you know who you are….. the one who was always quiet and minded his own business before going ape shit with an AK-47 because the neighbor’s dog took a crap on his lawn.”
Fox Adds “American Massacre” to Lineup
