If pigs had wings they could fly, has been an old saying at the Pentagon since there was a Pentagon. Back in the 1980’s with barrels of cash cluttering up the hallways they came up with the idea of trying to actually make a pig fly. It was called the F-22 Raptor, and while it spent many years on the drawing board collecting dust and billions in taxpayer funds, it finally came to fruition in 2005. Initially designed to counter the threat of Soviet jet fighters, Pentagon planners were stunned in the year 2000 to learn that the Soviet Union had collapsed in 1989 due to their having spent billions on wasteful, useless military hardware. “Now what do we do”, asked General Vandeberk rhetorically, as he threw bundles of hundred dollar bills into the Franklin stove in his office, “we got a piece of crap fighter jet that costs more than Lindsey Lohan’s boobs and no job for it.” The idea to cancel the F-22 contract was suggested to Congress, but by then 35 states were involved in manufacturing nuts and bolts to hold the Raptor together. “It’s a politician’s wet dream, sighed the general. “The damn plane supports 195,000 jobs across the country and lets the Washington fat cats claim they’re bringing home the bacon for their constituents”. After a moment of musing the general slapped his thigh, “hey, that’s a good one! Flying pig brings home the bacon!” Told that one of the Air Force’s F-22’s had crashed yesterday, killing the pilot, Vandeberk became somber. “That man wouldn’t have died if we hadn’t insisted on producing that useless hunk of junk. Killing people…. I guess that’s what we’re best at”.
Flying Pork Barrel Crashes
