In the wake of the Gilmore massacre, Trump signs an executive order for a new government job title.
PROFESSIONAL MOURNER
Duties:
Respond to mass shooting locations.
Sob and wail for the cameras.
Be seen depositing government supplied teddy bears and flowers at massacre sites.
Issue “Thoughts and Prayers” coupons.
PM starting salary: $37,000.
PM’s will travel first class and be reimbursed for purchases of tasteful black clothing.
Phrases to learn:
No one could have predicted this.
It’s too soon to talk about gun control.
No new gun law could have prevented this.
Assault weapons are just tools, like screwdrivers.
Background checks are intrusive and unnecessary.
In the unlikely event that the shooter is brown skinned:
A wall at the border could have stopped the killer.
Trump Announces New Federal Job: Mourner
