Pope Francis has taken the extreme measure of ordering Ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick to go defrock himself.
It’s true. Carefree Ted had been using the confines of the confessional and his God-given holy authority, to suckle, palpate, massage, rub down, penetrate and gently masticate the naughty bits of children, within the confines of that sacramental phone booth. Secret panel? Hole drilled in the wall? The Vatican has clamped down on that information, tighter than a cardinal’s grip on a Ballpark Frank.
When he wasn’t having unholy communion with the moppets of his parishioners, he was entertaining trainee priests over at his pad with hot, sweaty, Bible study, where he would “do unto others” until the cows came home.
All of his carousing had been known by the two previous popes, but if there’s one thing the Holy See is good at, it’s Totally Not Seeing. Pope Francis, however, decided that at age 88, Cardinal Ted had finally earned himself some down time.
For the first time in American Catholic history, he stripped (?) Ted of his vestments, denied him the right to say, “ugga bugga” to his gullible flock (even in Latin), and sent him to a friary in Kansas. I kid you not…. Kansas! If that isn’t punishment for 50 years of sodomizing children, I don’t know what is. There, he’ll be “living a life of prayer and penance”.
As an additional slap on his already smarting wrists, he will also be denied the sacrament of Vaseline.