Still scraping the cow manure off his Army surplus boots, the leader of the right wing militia group, “Three Percenters” took time out for a short interview following his group’s role as cheerleader at the Oregon Wildlife Center stand off. Leslie Troutman of the UK’s Polite Society settled in with Three Percenter, Travis Hookwhorum.
Leslie:
The Southern Poverty Law Center says that you lot are just one of several thousand groups of fat, disgruntled American white men, who fetishize firearms and fried foods.
Travis:
You’re right. We are white and we intend to stay that way. Some fans of that watermelon man in the White House wish we would just shut our pie holes. But we be Patriots.
Leslie:
In the media there seems a good bit of confusion regarding your group’s name: what three percent are you representing?
Travis:
Those ass clowns in the Lame Stream Media think we’re all about the American Revolution, where only three percent of the colonials actually fought. But that ain’t it. In fact, our group is named for the fact that most of the time we use only three percent of our brains. Load, aim, shoot …. three steps, three percent.
Leslie:
Youtube is replete with videos of morbidly obese men, costumed in much the same way as yourself, lumbering around in wooded areas, sweating cholesterol and blasting away at tree trunks. Our readers would be interested to know why you harbor such animosity toward trees; is your quarrel with pines or birches?
Travis:
I can’t reveal the reasons behind our tactics except to say that they might involve Y’All Qaeda, ISIS and basically anything that comes wrapped in a brown skin. Or black. We figger on holding off the terrorist hordes pouring across our borders until Donald Trump boots President Barry Blackenstein out of Washington, and builds that 40 foot high wall on Mexico’s dime.
Leslie:
Taking up on your mention of politics, would you support Ted Cruz or even Hillary Clinton if Mr. Trump were denied the nomination for president?
Travis:
Let’s just say that if Trump don’t get the nomination he earned, we have constitutional “second amendment remedies”.
Leslie:
You are aware, I assume, that there are other amendments in the United States Constitution, other than the second?
Travis:
No there ain’t.
Leslie:
So is it fair to say that you and members of your clan would resort to shooting trees planted near the Republican Convention arena in Cleveland this summer?
Travis:
Trees and anything what comes wrapped in a brown skin. Or black. We’re gonna make America great again… as in more white, less brown. Or black.