“It’s time to get Alaska back on its feet. Let’s roll out the stupid,” Republican Governor Mike Dunleavy said at a Tuesday news conference. “Friday, we’re open for business across the state.”
He said Alaska would be skipping from “Phase 2” of its reopening and going straight to “Phase 4” on Friday, allowing bars, theaters, and gyms to resume business without any kind of capacity restrictions.
“It will all be open just like it was prior to the virus,” he said, adding that the Sarah Palin’s family meth labs could go back to filling bathtubs with chemicals to produce crank.
“Oh, you betcha, guys and gals,” said the lapsed governor and failed VP candidate, winking uncontrollably at the camera.