Vice President Pence, Trump’s point man for the global pandemic, that is now affecting America, goes on Fox News to redirect the country’s fear and anger.
“It’s here and it’s serious. Corn-Row virus has begun striking Americans and black people. You say your prayers, go to sleep, and the next morning discover you’ve been hit on the head by the Corn-Row Virus. Anyone who wants to be tested can petition the government, or just look in the mirror. The signs are obvious and the symptoms include baggy clothing, wearing hoodies and being followed around by security people in stores.
Be safe. Don’t share combs. Don’t wear backward baseball caps and for God’s sake, don’t tongue-kiss people coughing into bloody rags. The administration has begun quarantine procedures for areas most prone to infection. Places like Los Angeles, Baltimore and Popeye’s chicken outlets. Those with signs of Corn-Row Virus will be shipped to housing areas dubbed “ghettos” and kept there until April, when the virus will disappear like a fart in a whirlwind. Pardon my French.”