Riding on a wave of unimaginable megalomania, President Trump on Wednesday, topped his newest claim to fame as the “chief law enforcement officer of the country,” by declaring himself “the chief historian of the United States.”
“As president I don’t get to write the history books. I mean I make history every day, but historians never seem to notice things like my fantastic hair and amazing self promotion.”
“As Chief Historian, I will dictate what goes into the history books. For instance, the fact that I have racked up the biggest deficit in history. My beautiful Wall, that doesn’t fall over all that often. My pardons for my pals and corrupt politicians, who were guilty of nothing more than being convicted felons.”
“My clumsy divulging of top secret information to our sworn enemies. The way I overrule the experts, scientists and generals, relying on my incredible brain and Sean Hannity to guide me in the destruction of the environment, the end of Medicare and Social Security and the dismantling of the Constitution, written so long ago that nobody cares about it, especially the Senate.”
“When I finally depart the White House in 2030, leaving our country in the capable hands of Don Junior and his brother, Eric von Beaver Teeth, I will be remembered as America’s Stable Genius. Don’t believe me? Check the history books.”