Welcome to my Fourth of July celebration of me. Where we’ve been
celebrating the Fourth since 1976. That’s a long time.
Generals in the military tried to talk me out of having tanks here
today, but I don’t listen to the generals. Obviously.
What you see lined up over here are a dozen Jewish tanks we bought
recently, The Abraham Tanks. They’re good tanks. But being Jewish, they
can’t be started on Saturdays. Which is why on the other side over
there, we have the brand new Sherman Tanks, which I’m told will perform
well if there is ever a second world war.
The Shermans are named after my favorite singer, Bobby Sherman, famous
for that song, “Easy Come, Easy Go,” which as you know, has always been
my motto.
Before the day is out there will be a flyover over by a bunch of
military planes. Some of them use stealth technology, which means they
can only be started by sneaking up on them. The planes can tell which
pilots are theirs using brand new Anal Recognition technology, which we
got from the Russians.
If you were lucky enough to be a Republican and score a VIP ticket,
you’ll be up here in the bleachers for a better view of the traditional
Tiki Torch riots. I’m sure there will be good people on both sides.
VIP ticket or not, you won’t be able to sit next to my daughter Ivanka,
my mascot in heels. She sticks closer to me than a genital wart. Which
is closer than her stepmother, Melanoma.
Okay, enough about me (as if that’s possible!) Oh …. and don’t worry
about the millions this celebration of Trump is going to cost. Mexico is
paying for it.
4th of July is a Now a Celebration of Trump
