The Dove World Outreach Church of Gainsville, Florida is in the news this week, with the announcement that on Saturday, September 11, there will be a public burning spectacle on the church’s front lawn. Pastor Terry Jones, interviewed on Fox News, said that he and his flock had just discovered fire and were eager to share this find with the rest of the world. “It just come to me in a dream, said Jones, the Lord God walked into my bedroom and real magical like set the bedsheets to flaming up by means of a cigarette. I took this as a sign from Him that I should go forth and use this new knowledge to put our soldiers at risk all over the world. I knew He wanted me to direct hate at ALL our men in uniform, not just the fags like Brother Phelps over at God Hates Fags.”
“So I asked myself what would bring down the wrath of God on the most soldiers, marines and sailors and it come to me while I was writing up a patent for the discovery of fire…. burn up a whole shitload of that Mooselum holy book! Look how crazy them sand monkeys got when the rumor got started about a KO-ran being flushed down the toilet out at Gitmo. With the help of Jesus Christ I’ll be bringing the wrath of 1.57 billion Mooselums to bear against our brave men overseas. You’ll notice I said MEN; I don’t count the women who should be home with a baby on each teat instead of runnin’ around shooting guns off. Anyway, come on down to Gainsville this Saturday and watch us unleash FIRE on a wheelbarrow full of KO-rans. And don’t be trying to steal my patent on wheelbarrows neither unless your underwear is made of asbestos!”