The crowd was on its feet Saturday night as the winner of “Britain’s Got Talent” was announced in Twickenham Grounds Theater. In a stunning upset, an amputee dance troupe called Stump, was swept into first place leaving rising star Susan Boyle in the wings. Ms Boyle was not amused. Speaking to reporters later in her hotel suite, the Scottish maven looked hagard…. even more so than usual, with noticeable five o’clock shadow coloring her cheeks and chin. “I sang me arse off for that lot”, said the disgruntled nightingale, apparently unaware that most of her arse still clung to her posterior like a bag of wet laundry. “Had me eyebrows plucked, me hair done up like a fair strumpet, didn’t I? Even brushed me bloody teeth for the occasion.” One of the more intrepid reporters sought Ms Boyle’s opinion of the act that had taken first place. “Don’t talk mince, she snorted, those numpties had all the grace of a misplaced jobby. The fix was obviously in and if you can’t see that yer a pure minger.” Unable to decipher Boyle’s pungent Scottish slang, most of the journalists began moving towards the door of the suite. “Oh, go on then, ya useless bawbags. You’ll not see me on the boards again any time soon. Got me an offer, don’t I, to tour with Sid’s Slacker Team til my boaby’s gowpin.” A startled reporter turned from the door. “Isn’t ‘boaby’ Scottish slang fer ‘penis’ Ms Boyle?” At this point Boyle’s agent gently eased the rest of the assemblage into the hallway announcing the interview concluded.
Susan Boyle Trounced by Legless Dance Team
