Looking every bit as annoyed as the furry woodland creature Super glued to his hairless melon, Donald Trump announced today that he is scrapping the traditional Miss USA pageant “to go for something more Crap-tacular”. Haunted by the media blitz over Carrie Prejean, the runner up of the just completed competition, The Donald told reporters that it’s time to get real. “Let’s face it, he said, the audience is there to look at the boobs. Nobody cares whether these bimbos can chew gum or recite the alphabet, so let’s just cut to the chase.” He went on to describe his concept for a prime time national show called, “Tits Ahoy”, where an unbiased panel selected from the audience will judge the contestants on a narrow range of criteria. “Basically, we’re talking rack size and the Jello factor here, Trump said, “something the viewing public can really sink their teeth into, so to speak. We’ll still have the swimsuits of course, but the babes will be carrying them instead of wearing them. Then there’s the trampoline event followed by what I call the ‘unfettered, run-up-and-down-the-stairs event.” Asked what the judging staff will be looking for Trump was circumspect. “As somebody almost as smart as me once said, ‘beauty is in the eye of beholder’. Well, here you got a panel of rack-masters getting an eyeful of B-holders, C-holders and D-holders. What will they be judging? You be the judge.”
Trump Scraps Miss USA, Goes Topless
